Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
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