my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
it glows. i had to have it.
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
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