We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Randomize
