Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
There's always time for handjobs
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
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