1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
Randomize
