omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
Randomize
