Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Randomize
