I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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