Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
Randomize
