I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
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