I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
Randomize
