oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Randomize
