Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
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