the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
Randomize
