Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
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