We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
The beers last night were like the tears from god
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
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