i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
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