i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
Randomize
