the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
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