My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
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I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
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I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
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