So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
is it normal that we went to that class once and both got 100's on the final? ohhhh, arizona state.
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
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