She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
Randomize
