I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
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