so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
New low: just hacked my moms facebook
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
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