I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
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