Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
Randomize
