i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
at a bonfire and someone threw a plastic cup in the fire. everyone immediately stopped what they were doing to yell collectively at him about what he was doing to the environment, then went back to drinking
only in oregon
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
i think i scared a bird with my dick
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
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