one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
Fuck appropriateness.
Too much gin, very little bucket
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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