I'm pants shitting drunk right now
no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
Randomize
