i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
Randomize
