I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
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