Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
dude this 15 year old girl saw our youtube vid and just facebook messaged me saying i was verry verry pretty. i have no schemas for how to respond to this situation.
woah 15?
i know! what is this dateline?
i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
"Reality" and all separate lives are the same thing?... We all have separate realities?! My life Has one reality and yours has another?
Haha how much did you smoke
4 feet of smokeee!
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
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