When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
I have a number of responses, ranging in content, tone, and maturity. Choose your destiny...
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