i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
