walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
Randomize
