it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
i out mim tonsoeep
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