Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
I'm thinking we should try to start remembering stuff we do. Althought I kinda like feeling like Nancy Drew the next morning.
More like the Hardy Boys cause its kinda like a team effort.
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
Did you pee in the oven last night??
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
Randomize
