We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
Randomize
