I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
Randomize
