she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
Randomize
