he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
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