we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
Randomize
