A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
Randomize
