apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
Randomize
