the girl next to me in class is drawing a guy banging a chick doggy style...its very detailed
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
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