I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
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