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ok, stay where you are, be there soon
the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
