My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
Randomize
