Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
Randomize
