Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
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