i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
Randomize
