im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
Randomize
