I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
Randomize
