I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
Randomize
