I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
Randomize
