Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
Randomize
