Hot guy, man whore rep, huge crush, alcohol that will fuck you up. I fail to see how this could go wrong
This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
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