Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
The chlamydia really affected his face.
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
Randomize
