my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
Randomize
