Texts From Last Night

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  (413): View more from Massachusetts

  so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up

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  (413): so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up http://tfl.nu/rtem
  Replies (23) Good night (3495) Bad night (411)
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  (313): View more from Michigan

  I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.

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  (313): I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays. http://tfl.nu/hsxj
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  (757): View more from Virginia

  Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town

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  (757): Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town http://tfl.nu/mvuo
  Replies (39) Good night (6646) Bad night (734) Order T-Shirt
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  (360): View more from Washington

  I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.

  (1-360): View more from Washington

  That changes everything.

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  (360): I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy. (1-360): That changes everything. http://tfl.nu/pss9
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  (415): View more from California

  The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?

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  (415): The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish? http://tfl.nu/s0dr
  Replies (10) Good night (753) Bad night (3961) Order T-Shirt
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  (803): View more from South Carolina

  I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship

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  (803): I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship http://tfl.nu/p7or
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  (330): View more from Ohio

  I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America

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  (330): I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America http://tfl.nu/nfrq
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  (731): View more from Tennessee

  What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?

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  (731): What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry? http://tfl.nu/iiar
  Replies (32) Good night (1385) Bad night (4664) Order T-Shirt
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  (515): View more from Iowa

  Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?

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  (515): Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch? http://tfl.nu/hxz0
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  (301): View more from Maryland

  ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.

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  (301): ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED. http://tfl.nu/hc30
  Replies (7) Good night (843) Bad night (478) Order T-Shirt
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  (832): View more from Houston, Texas

  This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.

  (281): View more from Texas

  That does show growth.

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  (832): This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex. (281): That does show growth. http://tfl.nu/3swa
  Replies (1) Good night (830) Bad night (356)
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  (858): View more from California

  It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life

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  (858): It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life http://tfl.nu/86aw
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  (775): View more from Nevada

  I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab

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  (775): I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab http://tfl.nu/nlzo
  Replies (2) Good night (1086) Bad night (217)
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  (732): View more from New Jersey

  How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.

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  (732): How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity. http://tfl.nu/tije
  Replies (1) Good night (961) Bad night (158) Order T-Shirt
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  (319): View more from Iowa

  "Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.

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  (319): "Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits. http://tfl.nu/w2vw
  Replies (8) Good night (378) Bad night (668) Order T-Shirt

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