I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
Randomize
