Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
21 Horribly Evil Pranks To Play On Your Drunk Friends
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
29 Times Beach Sex Ended With Sand In All The Wrong Places
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober