Texts From Last Night

• Favorite

  (212): View more from New York

  ??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (212): ??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years. http://tfl.nu/7axl
  Replies (36) Good night (1917) Bad night (969)
• Favorite

  (513): View more from Ohio

  Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (513): Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide http://tfl.nu/gj7h
  Replies (19) Good night (729) Bad night (3765)
• Favorite

  (510): View more from California

  It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (510): It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house... http://tfl.nu/3wgf
  Replies (6) Good night (3417) Bad night (604)
• Favorite

  (720): View more from Colorado

  These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (720): These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo. http://tfl.nu/f63z
  Replies (5) Good night (2975) Bad night (1397)
• Favorite

  (765): View more from Indiana

  He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (765): He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube. http://tfl.nu/tf6d
  Replies (2) Good night (2046) Bad night (634)
• Favorite

  (828): View more from North Carolina

  No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry

  (828): View more from North Carolina

  Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (828): No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry (828): Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302 http://tfl.nu/twph
  Replies (12) Good night (2982) Bad night (915)
• Favorite

  (734): View more from Michigan

  When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (734): When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out http://tfl.nu/vrth
  Replies (5) Good night (790) Bad night (1355)
• Favorite

  (717): View more from Pennsylvania

  How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (717): How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling? http://tfl.nu/pzfw
  Replies (7) Good night (1629) Bad night (415)
• Favorite

  (503): View more from Oregon

  get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (503): get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people http://tfl.nu/medo
  Replies (1) Good night (921) Bad night (665)
• Favorite

  (703): View more from Virginia

  After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (703): After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was. http://tfl.nu/omxm
  Replies (1) Good night (1356) Bad night (408)
• Favorite

  (250): View more from British Columbia

  I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.

  (1-250): View more from British Columbia

  What the fuck, why would you ever do that?

  (250): View more from British Columbia

  Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (250): I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much. (1-250): What the fuck, why would you ever do that? (250): Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball? http://tfl.nu/mk5m
  Replies (5) Good night (2005) Bad night (402)
• Favorite

  (858): View more from California

  So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (858): So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom? http://tfl.nu/h0sv
  Replies (13) Good night (1580) Bad night (433)
• Favorite

  (717): View more from Pennsylvania

  "YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple 

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (717): "YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple  http://tfl.nu/x0fq
  Replies (3) Good night (508) Bad night (213)
• Favorite

  (313): View more from Michigan

  I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (313): I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed http://tfl.nu/x74n
  Replies (1) Good night (540) Bad night (337)
• Favorite

  (540): View more from Virginia

  that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (540): that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic http://tfl.nu/gwhk
  Replies (2) Good night (633) Bad night (291)

Randomize