Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.