Texts From Last Night

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  (505): View more from New Mexico

  the new term for farting is butt boxing.

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  (505): the new term for farting is butt boxing. http://tfl.nu/pbdi
  Replies (10) Good night (1029) Bad night (1296)
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  (312): View more from Illinois

  Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.

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  (312): Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer. http://tfl.nu/54ng
  Replies (19) Good night (8170) Bad night (897)
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  (973): View more from New Jersey

  we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.

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  (973): we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical. http://tfl.nu/h352
  Replies (131) Good night (14570) Bad night (3127)
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  (610): View more from Pennsylvania

  Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?

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  (610): Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants? http://tfl.nu/1myu
  Replies (33) Good night (2129) Bad night (4666)
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  (215): View more from Pennsylvania

  thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins

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  (215): thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins http://tfl.nu/qdth
  Replies (6) Good night (4760) Bad night (1153)
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  (716): View more from New York

  If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.

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  (716): If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex. http://tfl.nu/vi35
  Replies (13) Good night (4327) Bad night (1150)
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  (609): View more from New Jersey

  promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.

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  (609): promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant. http://tfl.nu/llpo
  Replies (5) Good night (1997) Bad night (1450)
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  (615): View more from Tennessee

  Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?

  (1-615): View more from Tennessee

  By a pack of ravenous dildos

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  (615): Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right? (1-615): By a pack of ravenous dildos http://tfl.nu/hx21
  Replies (3) Good night (2161) Bad night (545)
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  (336): View more from North Carolina

  She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.

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  (336): She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week. http://tfl.nu/we2v
  Replies (5) Good night (1766) Bad night (509)
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  (719): View more from Colorado

  What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?

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  (719): What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running? http://tfl.nu/08bt
  Replies (3) Good night (1345) Bad night (490)
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  (630): View more from Illinois

  And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear

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  (630): And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear http://tfl.nu/df24
  Replies (12) Good night (1659) Bad night (755)
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  (256): View more from Alabama

  He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.

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  (256): He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree. http://tfl.nu/17st
  Replies (4) Good night (975) Bad night (339)
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  (248): View more from Michigan

  Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.

  (313): View more from Michigan

  No promises

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  (248): Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year. (313): No promises http://tfl.nu/55qj
  Replies (2) Good night (657) Bad night (386)
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  (281): View more from Texas

  He told me how it ended, then I blew him.

  (303): View more from Colorado

  So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??

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  (281): He told me how it ended, then I blew him. (303): So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him?? http://tfl.nu/u71s
  Replies (1) Good night (669) Bad night (440)
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  (651): View more from Minnesota

  This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.

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  (651): This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline. http://tfl.nu/s47z
  Replies (0) Good night (430) Bad night (705)

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