his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.