There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
Randomize
